I’ve already seen some people wondering, about Robin Williams, how he could have made such a “choice.”
Depression is a hallucination, or a set of hallucinations, but instead of telling us that the walls are melting, or that our shag carpet has turned into a coral forest, or that Ozzy is singing to us personally, it tells us that there has never been any joy in our life, only loss, and that whatever purpose we had in life, be it love, friendship, work, hobbies, art, relationship with God(s), was only fooling ourselves.
It tells us that there is no possibility of positive outcome in any undertaking, be that calling a doctor, calling a friend, getting out of bed, going to church, taking a shower, checking the mail. And it offers as proof that we’ve been doing those things all our lives and it’s come to nothing but this horrible misery. And if we do manage to do any of those things, and even if there is a positive outcome, the disease will come rushing back and tell us that it was useless, that our friend is bored with us, our deity either doesn’t exist or has abandoned us, our doctor can’t help.
It tells us that the only way to make the world a better place is to remove our miserable presence from it. Then our loved ones will be free to find someone happy and good for them, our doctor can treat patients who will actually get well, our friends will no longer be wasting their time on such a loser.
Depression is a captor and we are its hostage, and it controls and filters every piece of information that we receive. We are not allowed any information that would result in our developing a positive view. Information that will lead to a negative view is blasted into our heads at high volume 24 hours a day. We’re not even allowed access to happy memories! They’ve all been converted to shame-ridden examples of our own inadequacy.
Is anything someone does under such conditions a choice? I suppose it is, but I would argue that it is not a choice in the sense that healthy people make choices, based on a weighing of pluses and minuses. The depression sufferer only has minuses to work with, so the conclusion can only come out negative.
Should I call my friend? Nothing she can do to help, and I’ll just drag her down. Should I call my minister? No, I don’t need to talk to someone who’s even more deluded than I am. Should I call my doctor? She’ll take my money and give me more drugs that don’t do anything. Should I go on living at all? With the next day offering more of this?
If someone makes a choice based on faulty information that they believe is true, is it really their choice? It’s everyone’s responsibility to seek out good information before they make drastic decisions that affect other people, but what if they are not able to do that? What if all the information they are given points to the same false conclusion?
It’s a choice, but is it really THEIR choice? Should they be judged as harshly for it as a healthy person for theirs?